By Mindy Tan
mindytan@sph.com.sg

WHILE most people try hard to make the best of their lives, Madam Florence Heng has been busy preparing for death.

She has everything down to the last detail, including an obituary she designed herself.

There would also be singalong sessions at her three-day funeral and letters for loved ones to be read out by a priest.

This preoccupation with her final moment has, ironically, become a sort of therapy for the 52-year-old, whose fourth-stage cancer - the final stage - has spread from her breast to her liver, pancreas and bones.

She is on painkillers.

She says planning her funeral keeps her occupied and helps her come to terms with death.

She has also written a book about her life with cancer. (See other report).

'I like to plan things. My mind cannot be idle or negativity will set in.'

Preferring to be positive, she said: 'Dying from breast cancer is better than dying in a car accident. It gives you time to prepare for death and cherish every living moment.'

The cancer struck when she was 43. She had a benign tumour at 12, and another non-cancerous one at 32.

While doctors did not say how much time she has, Madam Heng jokes that she has not been 'promoted to live in a hospice yet'.

Describing herself as a 'breast cancer survivor', she said that over the past four years, she had set down plans so her husband and their three daughters know what to do when she dies.

'When the time comes, my letters will comfort them.'

TOOK COMPUTER CLASSES

A black bag holds all the instructions as well as her obituary.

To do this, she took classes to make her computer savvy.

Using a CD-burner, Madam Heng has also compiled two CDs of songs and lyrics to be used at her funeral.

One CD contains Christian hymns and the other has MP3 files of popular songs to be played throughout the day. The songs include My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion and This Is My Song by Petula Clark.

Specific prayers and biblical phrases which would be read have also been prepared.

Instead of the usual cloth banners at Chinese funerals, Madam Heng has chosen photos that will tell the story of her life, to be displayed on vanguard sheets.

She said her letters to her family have been re-written many times and she is still editing them.

She wants every word to reflect her thoughts accurately.

She also hopes to have lots of sunflowers at her funeral and has also made two simple requests designed to free those who survive her from obligations:

Throw her ashes into the sea don't store them in an urn.

And get everyone to hug one another at every chance they get, because hugs make the world go round.

Her eldest daughter, Ms Tan Joe-sie, 25, a teacher, said she has never seen her mother's preparations.

But she added: 'Right now, it is more important how I interact with her, not how I interact with her after she dies.'

BLOCK OUT FEARS

On good days when she has no chemotherapy, she spends upto eight hours on her projects. Said Madam Heng: 'If I can conquer death, I can block out all fears. It's a kind of challenge.

'Moreover death is the beginning of life for Christians. So I end my pain and sorrow on earth but I begin my new life in heaven.'

For her obituary she has a studio portrait of herself taken more than a decade ago, when she was going through depression.

The former beautician and homemaker said that in her earlier years, she had no social life.

She gave all her time to her family.

But later, when she started attending makeover sessions conducted by the Breast Cancer Foundation (BCF) after her cancer was discovered, her mood improved. She said the makeovers help boost the self-esteem of cancer patients.

Madam Heng keeps a bright, yellow journal decorated with sunflower stickers for times when she is depressed.

In an extract dated 5 Sep 2003, Madam Heng wrote: 'Florence, if you don't develop your skill at enjoying what you have, you won't be any happier when you get more.'

Two months ago, Madam Heng prepared a Living Will, stating her wish to be taken off life-support systems should she go into a coma.

Also known as the Advanced Medical Directive, the document is made in advance to express personal wishes about what to do when the only alternative left for a dying person is artificial life support.

She plans to let her oncologist be her witness to the document when she visits him next week.

Her next project: Karaoke. She wants to burn a CD of her singing.

'My children always say my singing is horrible. So I want to prove to myself that I can sing. It's a little project I want to fulfill,' she added.

The National Cancer Centre will be launching a self-help group, Revival Connection, for patients with recurring breast cancer.

While most support groups target patients newly diagnosed with cancer, Revival Connection touches on a different issues for breast cancer reoccurence.

Such a group is a first in Singapore and will be led by cancer survivors.

Those interested can attend the 2pm launch on 30 Apr at National Cancer Centre, 4th level, 11 Hospital Drive.

Call Mr Daniel Thien at 6436-8117 for details.

Madam Heng's book, My journey with breast cancer - Awakening, will be sold at the launch.

It describes her fears and battle with breast cancer, and teaches patients to overcome their worries and strive for a more meaningful life.

Madam Heng co-ordinates Mandarin and English support groups at the Breast Cancer Foundation (BCF).

MORE CHINESE GROUPS

Still, Madam Heng says more Chinese support groups are needed to reach lower income, Chinese-educated breast cancer patients.

Madam Heng said: 'Many of them are subsidised by the government.

'They feel shy to ask questions and fear doctors would shun them. Chinese support groups will allow them to share information and become more knowledgeable about their illness.'